Some of the best advice came from a friend, a therapist who is wise beyond her years. Life gave her a lot to manage from the start and the gift keeps giving. I called, wanting her to help me make sense of a crisis situation and the aftermath that followed. The well meaning advice from friends and family was quite clear: Get over it. Move on. Leave what happened in the rearview mirror.
I tried. A lot. Over and over. It wasn’t working.
This is what she said to me and what you might need to hear today … "Don't let go. It's too soon." In hindsight, quickest way to release was to hold on to my own process a bit longer.
“Don’t let go. It’s too soon.”
“No! No. NOOOOOO. Don’t let go. It’s too soon. You need to feel the feels, let yourself be angry, hurt and whatever comes to the surface.”
I carried her words with me, “Don’t let go, it’s too soon.” She continued, “Whatever you process now is for you. Save any extra energy for your clients.”
I did just that. I followed her advice, day by day. Often times hour by hour. When necessary, minute by minute.
Our culture likes to hurry through the pain. We don’t encourage people to linger there. The messages are clear: No wallowing allowed. Manifest what’s next! Be positive. Write a book.
What a loss, to skip past the pain instead of going into it. In the suffering we find the truest parts of us, we find what we are made of. Not only are we vulnerable, we are courageous, strong and intuitive. We are capable of showing up for ourselves. This fall season … man I suggest you consider identifying with both the maple leaf and the evergreen?
Letting go is a complex and deeply personal process. It's involves coming to terms with painful situations, be they past relationships, failures, or regrets. Sometimes, it feels like it's too soon to let go, and at other times, we might hold on for far too long. In this blog, we'll explore the delicate balance between holding on and letting go, and how to know when the time is right.
When It’s Time to Hold On: The Evergreen
Acknowledge Your Emotions: It's essential to recognize and validate your emotions when facing a hurtful situation. It's perfectly normal to feel anger, sadness, or confusion. Allow yourself to experience these feelings without judgment.
Seek Closure: In some cases, it might be too soon to let go because you haven't found closure. Whether it's a relationship or a missed opportunity, having an honest conversation with the people involved or with yourself can help you move forward. Also, most of the time, the closure we seek doesn’t come from the person who hurt us.
Learn From the Experience: Often, it's too soon to let go because there are valuable lessons to be learned. Take time to reflect on what the situation has taught you and how you can use this knowledge for personal growth.
Lean on Support: Share your feelings with a trusted friend, therapist or coach. Sometimes, talking about what's festering can provide clarity and help you process your emotions more effectively.
Move your body. When we stay still, we cannot experience the somatic release movement provides. This can be done with a trained professional or in simple movements found in yoga, stretching, walking or breaking plates in the woods. I joke, but seriously.
When It's Time to Let Go: The Maple Tree
Identify Unhealthy Patterns: If a situation or relationship consistently brings you pain and harm, it's a sign that it might be time to let go. Recognize unhealthy patterns and the toll they take on your well-being.
Trust Your Instincts: Sometimes, your gut feeling can be a reliable indicator. If you've had a lingering sense that it's time to move on, don't ignore it. Trust yourself and your intuition.
Assess Your Goals and Values: Consider your long-term goals and values. Are they aligned with the situation or relationship you're holding onto? If not, it may be time to reevaluate your priorities.
Focus on Self-Care: Prioritize self-care to build emotional resilience. When you take care of your physical and mental health, it becomes easier to let go of situations that no longer serve you.
Set Boundaries: Establishing healthy boundaries can help you let go of harmful situations. Define what you will and won't tolerate, and be firm in upholding these boundaries.
Practice Forgiveness: Forgiving doesn't mean forgetting, but it does mean releasing the emotional burden associated with a hurtful situation. Forgiveness can be a powerful tool for letting go and finding peace. Oprah said it best, “Forgiveness is giving up the hope that the past could have been any different, but we cannot move forward if we're still holding onto the pain of that past and wishing it was something else.”
““Forgiveness is giving up the hope that the past could have been any different, but we cannot move forward if we’re still holding onto the pain of that past and wishing it was something else.””
The process of letting go is a nuanced one, and it's okay if it takes time to navigate. There is no timeline, no one-size-fits-all answer to when it's too soon or when it's time to let go. Trust yourself and your feelings, learn from your experiences, and prioritize your well-being. Holding on and letting go are transformative. Both empower you when the time is right. Remember, you have the strength to find your own path, whether it's sooner or later, to release what no longer serves you.
If you’re facing the grief head on, you’ll more than likely be releasing without realizing it.
You’ll know when you know. Until then, hold on until it’s time.