My personal experience with health trauma (prior to covid) has taught me to sit in my pain and rise from it for the better. Let me explain …
In 2013 my body began to shut down. It started with a food allergy that appeared seemingly out of nowhere and it snowballed into allergic reactions to almost everything. Even supplements and medications meant to help me became the enemy. I lost 40 pounds and spent my evenings googling every symptom and potential diagnosis even though my blood work was "perfect”. It was a terrifying time in my life with no light on the horizon. I pushed through my pain by day and researched a cure by night. My apartment began to look like an NYC police department trying to crack a case. I couldn't talk about anything else. I was obsessed with getting better and was convinced I could control it. Turns out, I could not.
Eight years later and I'm better, but not healed. I have learned to manage my symptoms by avoiding known triggers and taking care of my body in ways others don't need to. It’s more than self-care, it’s survival. If you find yourself in the same boat, trying to navigate the complexity of pain let me coach you to shift perspective. This is not toxic positivity - it’s accepting reality and finding silver linings of hope to keep your eyes lifted.
Even if your pain has flattened you, it’s never a waste to look up.
Here’s how:
1. Remember that you are not alone. Your pain, while it is yours alone to bear, does not mean that you are alone. While not very many people will intuitively know how to help, you must learn to ASK! Reach out to your circle and ask for specific ways to get help. Often times people will say, “Wow Shea, you have so much help!” I have it because I ask for it. Reach outside your local connections and find networks on social media to connect you to others who share in your suffering. They will offer empathy that others cannot along with resources to heal.
2. We heal by networking. They only way I began to find light at the end of the very dark tunnel was by being VULNERABLE and OPEN about my health circumstance. Like one beggar showing another beggar where to find bread, I slowly traced the footsteps of those who had gone before. Their doctor or protocol may not have given me 100% relief, but it improved my situation. Over time, a lot of little changes have made the most impact. You must be open to being honest about your pain so that others can help you. Most people are more empathic than you’d think. The largest hurdle of judgment is in your own self talk, not how others perceive you.
3. Your pain is not your purpose. Be careful not to slip into the mindset that you must transform your pain into purpose in order for it to be worth suffering through. It’s worth suffering through because YOU ARE WORTH IT. Period. Pain can serve a purpose, but that is not its sole intention. The purpose of pain is to alert us. It tells our us that our body is out of alignment. The body is very wise and it’s usually screaming for our attention. If your pain is sidelining you, don’t take it personal instead, try (and I say TRY with a lot of empathy and caution) to say, “Thank you for being here. Please show me how to help my body heal.”
4. Boundaries are self-care. Your health journey will teach you many things, including how we want to be treated. The only way to do this is to STOP and LISTEN to what your body needs, respect its limitations and then ask others to respect your new rhythm. This may trigger unhealthy patterns you have created in relationships. People may be disappointed that you can’t perform in ways you have before. You may cancel plans, leave a gathering early or simply not rsvp. If it’s too much for people, they are not your people. Learn the lessons and move on. Read this book when you have down days.
5. Speak LIFE not death. I strongly believe that words carry power because they reveal what we believe. If you find yourself saying, “I’m sick all of the time.” Maybe shift to say, “I’m in the process of healing.” For me, I had to put post it notes all over my house with affirmations. I started an Instagram account called @thehonest_edge just to save my favorites. Speak healing, life and hope … even on your darkest days say, “This is temporary, good days are coming.” In the midst of a health trauma, your brain may start to create unhealthy pathways – interrupt them by remaining strong in your commitment to heal.
Lastly, you didn’t get sick in a day, you’re not going to heal that quickly either. Be patient, but don’t give up. Inch by inch you’ll become the better version of yourself from the inside out. I believe this with my entire being. The lessons in pain burn away false versions of ourselves. This is the unexpected outcome of such work.
You can hear more about my story HERE.