“Adults in the U.S. who regularly say hello to multiple people in their neighborhood have higher wellbeing than those who greet fewer or no neighbors. ”
WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Adults in the U.S. who regularly say hello to multiple people in their neighborhood have higher wellbeing than those who greet fewer or no neighbors. Americans’ wellbeing score increases steadily by the number of neighbors greeted, from 51.5 among those saying hello to zero neighbors to 64.1 for those greeting six neighbors. No meaningful increase in wellbeing is seen for additional neighbors greeted beyond six. -Gallup
This is good news for me. My neighbors have become extended family over the last six years. I can count on them for a wave, occasional gatherings, tools I don’t have, surveillance and more importantly, advice.
Photo by Michael Poehlman / featured in Traverse Magazine
My neighbor Joyce lives in the corner house next to me. I refer to her as, “The Original Life Coach.” I mosey on over to her place often for simple conversations that are top of mind for her (and me). A Navy wife and mother of 7, she has a lot to share. I take notes and post the insights to Facebook. I’ve even had her on the radio a few times. She is known in town as, “Famous Joyce” in now! At 96, she has made more than a comeback, the truth is, she never left. Steady as a river, Joyce is a constant source of unconditional love, support and a force to be reckoned with. Legend has it, she even fought the IRS once and WON! They had done their math wrong.
Every summer I host a backyard concert. This year she joined and was surprised that it turned into a reunion for her. She connected with a former tenant of a rental from 30+ years ago along with a classmate of her youngest son, Andy. She said, “Did I tell you what happened at your party? I had a chat with Pam, Andy’s classmate from high school and she reminded me of that their graduation was the last at Thirlby Field. I remember everything, but I don’t remember that. I stayed up for three nights because I couldn’t remember Andy’s graduation. How is that possible? Then, it occurred to me, that is the year we lost his sister Patty to cancer in March. Andy graduated in June. I never believed in trauma staying with people. In fact, I believed this whole time that people can put their grief somewhere and just leave it. I guess that’s not possible. It’s been over 40 years since I lost her and I sometimes can't sleep. I think they call that PTSD."
“I never believed in trauma staying with people. In fact, I believed this whole time that people can put their grief somewhere and just leave it. I guess that’s not possible. It’s been over 40 years since I lost her and I sometimes can’t sleep. I think they call that PTSD.”
In that moment we had an understanding. While my grief is not the same as hers, we both know the loss of relationships, the disappointing moments of life and the will it takes to keep going. And, for the first time she accepted something that I had been explaining, trauma lives within us - it changes us at a cellular level.
My counselor has explained that we will experience PTSD when we feel safe. Our body and mind will give the cues that it’s okay to feel the feels. Or, perhaps something will trigger us - a scent, color, song or the unexplainable deja vu. Or, a friend from the past at a party …
Do not be surprised when you are triggered or set back with unexplainable emotional responses to healthy interactions. These moments remind us that there is a soft underbelly of pain that needs nurturing. You aren’t failing if it still hurts or if it doesn’t make sense. Metabolizing emotions is part of the process. If we refuse to do this, we will inevitably make reactive choices instead of thoughtful moves. You can read about that in my last post.
Joyce, my 96 year old neighbor became aware of her own pain and made room to acknowledge it. This is proof that we are evolving at every age. Embrace the feels and let yourself heal. As a coach, we will “make space” for these emotions and give them the credit they are due.
If you want to learn more from Joyce, you can read here in the Traverse Magazine article I wrote pre-pandemic when I was still a blond.
Joyce Lundberg, the Original Life Coach