How to Make a Good Decision
Over the years, I have found it to be true that while most people won’t openly admit to believing in God or a higher power, they do believe that there are “signs” they have been given. They won’t attribute it to anything in particular, but will acknowledge it has happened - more than once.
My upbringing is one of faith so I’ve always been one to question things. Even in my church days, I was the doubting Thomas of the group. My questions were usually met with confusion or being directed to have more faith (not helpful!) This became increasingly irritating to me when I was in bible college and the doctrine of predestination was being taught. Every cell in my body rejected that idea that our future is predetermined. Predestination concludes that while it appears we have a choice - we’re constantly being led to our choices. Our decisions are not our own. We don’t have agency, we only have obedience.
Every cell in my body rejected this idea because it is very … manipulative. I can see the appeal though. As an Enneagram six, I love security and knowing where things are heading. I like to know my relationships are solid and supportive. But as a creative thinker who is always pushing the gospel of possibility, the predestination doctrine only serves the chosen. I pushed back on my Dutch reformed professors in class, at lunch tables and on walks. This specific doctrine left out something very important - If God is creative and we were made in his image, aren’t we co-creators?
I eventually left that college and chose to study every world religion instead. I moved out East to New Haven, Connecticut and joined a group of misfit folks looking to find their way in this world. We gathered in a historic church with Tiffany stained glass windows every day for nine months. I loved it. My world opened up but I was hell bent on one answer: What was I supposed to do with my one precious life? (a nod to Mary Oliver) I still couldn’t get clarity on that. I wanted there to be ONE clear decision that would unlock my future. I went for a walk with one teacher down Orange Street which, at the time was lined with Magnolia tress (my favorite) and he said, “You have to trust the process Shea. The process is more important than the product.”
From there on out I invited experiences over known paths and even left faith behind completely to find my own voice in the wilderness of purpose. Over time, I came to believe one thing to be true:
We are co-creators of our present and our future.
Whether that is done with a higher power and/or with relationships near or far, that is how I see life unfolding for the good or the bad. We are responsible for what shape our life takes by the choices we make. The future is the logical conclusion of decisions made in the present moment.
We get STUCK when the stakes are high and
we have something to lose.
So, what happens when we don’t know what to decide? How can we make strategic decisions that are for the best possible outcome? I’m so glad you asked because that is the actual mystery (sort of).
There are 5 questions we ask ourselves subconsciously:
HOW can I make the right choice?
WHAT are the stakes?
WHO can help me decide?
WHERE do I look for confirmation?
WOULD a donut help?
Just last winter I went through this process as I was wrestling with a piece of clarity that I didn’t know how to act on. I wasn’t even sure if I was perceiving my situation was accurately. I started to lose sleep and question the path I was on. I doubted previous decisions. It was ever-so-slightly … debilitating. To get clarity I spent more down time alone to hear my intuition speak. I spoke to a few trusted mentors about how to process the choices in front of me and I started to look for signs. Like a true mystic, I asked the universe for a sign.
What I didn’t expect was this:
My girlfriends and I were on a joy ride up the peninsula in our hometown. Off in the distance I spotted a red fox and slowed down as we approached her. But she didn’t cross the road, she STOPPED in it. Not only did she stop, but she sat down and stayed there. As if to say, “I own the road, you can wait.” We sat and watched her in awe. It was magical to see such a creature command our attention. She wasn’t in a hurry. Her attention shifted to us then into the woods where her babies were playing. She eventually joined them in a tassel. We drove off remarking how incredible the experience was.
According to the mystics, if you see a fox in the wild it’s a reminder for you to rely on your adaptability, intuition and quick thinking. It’s a reminder to observe your surroundings closely and use clever and unconventional strategies to navigate current challenges.
We drove up the road and on our way back, she reappeared. This time, coming out of the woods and perching herself up on a dirt pile. Pausing to make contact with us again. I took this as a sign. In hindsight, I can confidently say that she was telling me to pay attention. Forcing me to stop more than once and listen. She was a symbol of co-creating the future in unconventional ways - and to listen to my own intuition.
Our intuition is meant to protect us as an innate guide - a divine language coded in our being. If you’re trying to navigate a new decision in front of you - slow down and pay attention. The signs are all there if you decide to stop and lock eyes.
For some of us, this is a no-brainer. But for others of us, it’s been a life-long practice to pay attention and listen to our own intuition or “instincts.” The indoctrination of other’s opinions, beliefs and desires for us have overridden our divinely given internal knowing.
Strategic decision-making isn’t all head and no heart. It is in fact, the integration of both that give us a competitive advantage in the wild.
If you sprinkle in the outside chance that the “universe” (insert whatever words aligns with your belief system) wants to co-create with us - the signs are everywhere. You just have to keep your radar up and wait for a signal.
For me, the signal was the fox. Her gentle appearance and quite demand to be seen became the confidence I needed to move ahead with what I knew to be true. (and it was!).
What about you? Are there decisions you’re sitting on because the way is unclear? Or is it clear but you’re fearful of taking the next step?
Here are some suggestions to make a good decision:
Sit with your past decisions and take inventory of when you made a choice and it worked out. Do the same with decisions that didn’t (it’s all valuable!)
Write down what you want to do (whether it’s comfortable or not).
Talk to your mentors and/or coach (wink, wink).
Ask for a sign! (try it, you know you want to).
Act on a choice. You can change your mind and correct your path if it was the wrong one. The consequences will depend on the stakes.
As an advisor and coach, I sit with you to help come to these conclusions with more clarity and speed. As our world speeds up, your ability to be nibble like a fox will be to your advantage. Getting “stuck” is something I can help you with.
Thanks for being here,
Shea
